My name is Gilbert.
i'm not someone happy
my life is like a music piece, some parts of the song sounds catchy, and fun, but there are times it would sounds terrible and you'll go: what the hell went wrong? i rely heavily on music to drown my sorrows or to keep my happy mood going, its like, i mood swing depending on the music played. which isn't good.
been trying to drown my thought recently about a certain someone, that person has been on my mind all day, and hard as i might, its impossible to keep those thoughts outta my head, it felt close to miserable to keep thinking about it, but i know its these thoughts that are binded to the memories i will never forget. forgive me my fren.
went to bev's birthday party, went for the picnic, went for marc's birthday party, went for good friday outing, went for clubbing with the group, but through it all, i keep thinking about that person, she left a lasting impression on me, like a tattoo, i actually got one done over the last weekend, but i'm not about to show it, if anyone saw it, they would know who this person is. i wish i could just forget about her, all this thinking is making me tired, and i'm not able to focus when i train, its even harder to block my mind from pain with the thoughts, please help me.
i tried to drown myself with activities, to forget about the special someone, get myself tired so i would sleep, and train harder, so i could catch up with her, but it doesn't work.
so many things i wanna tell her, but i'm unable to, for it is forbidden love.
saw enchik lam with the other instructors at changi airport on thursday, and tang jie is going along with them, its good to see them again, but i must try to distance myself from the engineers, i notice that i'm getting too sticky towards them, i'm unable to let them go so easily. for their own good, and my own, i have to distance myself, really.
nowadays, conversations with people just doesn't feel the same, i dun have the same feeling i had towards my committment as i used to, people change and harmful words were exchanged, why? why do people around me succumb to temper when things don't go the way they want it to? am i the catalyst for their temper?
i guess, it just means i haven't grown up yet, if i'm still feeling so much emotional pain, it means i need to mature faster, only then, will a smile, really be, a smile.